Hard-Wired Eyes

I just realized that you could see me
It's made me so upset
Knowing that you've seen every visit
Every click in your direction
I wonder if it has made you feel better than
I wonder if you've patted yourself on the back
I wonder if you've made a story
The story of the weak and obsessed

I want to know how you are
I'm not ready
Not even close
My body trembles when I start to write
Something in you doesn't want me there
Something in me knows the danger and lack

I'm bound and tied
I don't trust my ego yet
My heart shrinks at the thought of you
I'm not ready
So I come to find you in the place where creativity enters
At least there is something there
At least there is some iota of the you I recognize

Now I cringe at the thought of entering again
Knowing you spy with hard-wired eyes