Something Brings Me Back

something brings me back
to our secret place
our literary treehouse
where two boys in discovery
lost in life's unknown regions
are found in their imaginations
exposing in their explorations

i confess i come expecting
hoping to find your raw poetic bravery
to witness some victorious evolution
some bombastic realization
perhaps for my satisfaction

you call them "stories"
but we both know
they are birthed
from the depths of your expression
and yet, i'm shrinking- not expanding
as i attempt to read between the lines

who are you really?
what are you?

(hell, what am i?)

i knew of you
with your creative genius
able to build foundations on quicksand
finding characters
to speak on your behalf
the words you yourself could never utter

and also i knew of you
in your resistances
with your guards and gates
in your parameters of love
your frozen boundaries
stifling potential aliveness

but i did know you
we knew each other
in the largest of spaces
in unobstructed relationship
we got there every time
breath on skin
climactically sighing
ravaging each other
fumbling into ecstatic connectiveness
alive from the release

then-
and only then
did i truly know you

those afterthoughts
that opening
fearless
immersed

Trickery

There are tricky places
in the mystery of life,
when discernment is essential.
When we must distance ourselves,
creating spaces within,
giving opportunity for shifts
within the other.

It is the trickiest of places
when a foe disguises himself as a friend,
hides his fangs,
and masks the havoc he seeks.
Waiting...
For the perfect opportunity to bite.

Oh I've sensed it for months now.
I've seen it in my dreams.
The animal nature within that lashes out,
threatening to sink its teeth in.
I've cried many tears,
witnessing and experienceing my potential
to chomp down and spew venom.
I cry now...

I'm saddened by this trickery,
the projections that injure
and corrupt the senses.
It has baffled my senses
and tested my consecration.

In this Space

oh my dearest friend
my twin and soul companion
my deepest simplicity
you who has brought me to my consecration
you who has watched and held my awakening
you- my bountiful blessing

how do i hold you while faltering in my uncertainties?
how do i give you the same spacious temple you've offered me?
i'm learning, i'm listening
not necessarily knowing how to be in this
with my constitution shaken

i know nothing is lost here
that our love is an experience
so this is my new silence
immersed in the mysterious formless
i'll meet you here darling
in this space

And This Was Our Goodbye

the night had seemed a mistake
until you found me
standing in the vined doorway
with a few of my borrowed friends
enclosing me in their circle

it was funny how you weren't there
and then you were
i barely noticed you at first
and when i did it seemed you liked the tall one
he sure fancied you

it was subtle how it happened
how i was sure you had gone with him
and suddenly there you were
reappearing with purpose
forthcoming and available

i observed as our words deepened
how you inched forward
the more alive it became
the more tangible the current
and all it took was for me to mention it

i knew you would come back with me
and i would be safe in your arms
that you would honor our experience
that you would respect me
and not expect of me or my body

without words spoken
with simply a kiss
we walked away from the chaos hand in hand
into the mystery of our experience
staying simple and playful
embracing the present

i watched you in excitement
removing your baby blue t-shirt
God you looked so gorgeous
your back perfectly formed
eventually standing beautifully in front of me
naked, peaceful, smiling

i knew ours was not for the keeping
that nothing more would come of this
at least nothing more than what was happening
so i tried to memorize the feelings and tingling senses

and in the morning
you unwrapped yourself from my body
my eyes barely opened
you kissed and whispered to me softly
so gently, to not disturb my dream-time
and so you left to your next adventure

and this was our goodbye

Doppleganger

i saw you at that coffee shop
with your hair disheveled
tall and handsome
hiding your gazing eyes

in a moment i fell in love again
my heart skipping a beat
shortness of breath
tears rising to the surface

i couldn't see clearly
behind those glasses
too dark the shades
were you squinting or observing?

i thought twice before moving in closer
to say hello
to confess my longing
or to say goodbye- who knows

i found myself pathetic
confused, lost, found
melting into adoration
drugged into the sweet nectar again

but when you turned your head
i looked at your face
i smiled softly and sat beside you
knowing I had made a mistake

it wasn't you at all